a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
