well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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