no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
