Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
