went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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