You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
