First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
