I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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