ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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