Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
