youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
