Sry I called you an 8
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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