She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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