OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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