dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she told me i tasted like america
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
