This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
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