someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
