she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
