The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize