this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
