Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
