Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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