I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
