i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
