why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
