She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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