You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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