pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
