She said her name was "party"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
