Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize