Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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