i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
