My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
