She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
