Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
