Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize