I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
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