I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
A bitchslap is in order.
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