I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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