Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
