I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
