oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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