i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
