Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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