70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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