i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize