i permit you to call me
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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