sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
