I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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