Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
