We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
