Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Randomize
