i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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