Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
