update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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