watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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