The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
