You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
