the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
