Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
