Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
