You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My vagina is officially offended.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
