I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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