Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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