Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
