I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
