Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
