It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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