I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
