My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
