I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you would pick up someone in the library
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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