I'd wear matching sweaters with you
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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