Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
