my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The uberlube is also flammable
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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