i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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