I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
