Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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