I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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