I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
