are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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