I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
