Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We left the knife in your bed.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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