I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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